This is a month of some ups and downs for us.
This month I learned that although we are exclusive, he has still indulged in having online profiles and continued chatting with women he chatted to before our date. Of course he says that he is “just looking at pictures” but I feel like it could mean something more. Only time will tell.
I started saving snippets of our conversations about one month into our dating. I had noticed that there were some genuinely sweet comments My Lover would make to me and I wanted to hold onto them.
I really wish I had started doing that sooner. There was something he said to me after our first date that I wish I could recall exactly as he said it.
Our first date was at a restaurant in my city, where I live and he works. Through dinner the conversation flowed and I noticed him looking at me, but not in a way that would indicate that he was “checking me out”. We didn’t touch at all and when we said goodbye in the parking lot afterwards we had a brief awkward hug. In all honestly I was not sure what he thought of me or even what I thought of him. There weren’t any major “sparks” but it felt “nice”.
The next day when we were talking about our first meeting he said that during dinner he felt quite “taken” with me…that he found he just enjoyed watching me talk and eat..and that he found it charming how I would tuck my hair behind my ear while chatting. He also made a comment about liking things about me that he never had thought he enjoyed previously. Now, I am not quite sure what these things are and I never asked at the time, but I can only assume that it’s related to my very casual sense of style. His wife is very fashionable and trendy. I, on the other hand, am more of a ‘jeans and T-shirt’ sort of girl. I don’t wear much makeup (usually none) and rarely wear jewelery. My “dressing up” for the date was probably what he may consider “very casual”. I’ve always felt conscious of the idea that maybe he would prefer someone who is more professional and done up, but he has never brought this up.
But back to the snippets. I love this collection of sweet thoughts and sentiments I have collected. They helped me get through the few emotionally difficult moments we have had and they serve as a reminder that although I won’t ever be able to have him for my own…I do have these moments in time.
My Lover is not the first man I have been with during my marriage, but he will likely be my last.
During a difficult period in my life I strayed from my marriage and eventually fell in love with my affair partner. I blogged about this on a blog called “Where does love go from here”. Well, I learned it lead to heartache. Eventually the affair ended, I confessed my sins to my husband, and after I finally felt healed I deleted the blog.
Rather than end my marriage and rip apart my family, My Husband and I decided to instead have an open marriage. Over the course of the past couple years I have had a handful of lovers while My Husband has pursued friendships with other women. It’s important to note that he considers himself to be “a-sexual”. He is very aware of My lover and permits me to spend one night a week away from home.
My Lover’s marriage is also open. Their marriage is not for me to discuss on the Internet but his wife is aware of my existence and our relationship.
At this point I am in a place where I am tired of dating and pursuing different men and I would just like one sexually satisfying relationship where we can spend time together but still be present for our families.
I have found all this in My lover.
Finally my heart feels content. But, as with any relationship, when you feel those inklings of love, there are bound to be ups and downs.
I’m sitting in the hotel room sipping wine as I write this and wait for him to arrive. It has been 10 days since I last saw my lover and the anticipation is killing me. I never lost contact with him during those 10 days…but by God I miss him.
It’s funny because if you asked me after our first date on June 17th whether I would pursue a relationship with him, my answer would have been between “I don’t know and I doubt it”. We have many interests in common but are still so different. Plus, he shares a couple of the characteristics that irk me about my husband. So there is that.
Strangely though, two months in, in spite of us both having spouses, I still managed to fall in love.