Fun times Cheater Pants pt 2

At the 3 month mark he asked if he was going to have to write and pass an exam to officially become my boyfriend. I debated actually making up at test, but said that the real test was whether we would keep our profiles on the dating apps. In his many years of dating since his divorce 8 years earlier he has never taken his profile down while in a relationship.

We talked it over and decided to delete our profiles altogether. I didn’t ask him to or push him to, I let him know it was really up to him and I was good either way. I will still married after all. He showed me his profiles as he deleted them and realized he felt good with this decision.

When we had been away and I found the flirty text from his “just a friend”, I felt hurt and disappointed. He was the one that was pushing our relationship beyond the casual stage…so I didn’t understand why he would still be making plans with other women. He insisted he wasn’t.

On the way home from our weekend away we talked it over and I agreed to keep seeing him. We had so much fun together, had amazing chemistry and at that point the relationship was offering me everything I was looking for.

A couple more months went by. Road trips and many fun moments. We spent time with each other’s friends. As the kids knew that mommy and daddy were separated, I introduced them to and we spent a couple of times together with my kids.

One day I was working from my home and he was working from his. I received a text from my sister that said something along the lines of “hey this guy looks like Allan!” And she sent a screen shot of a POF profile. Sure enough…it was him.

My heart sank a little but I was not entirely surprised. He even sent a message to her, something funny about her profile but not flirty really. She didn’t respond.

I phoned and asked gently “hey when did you go back online??”. He attempted to act ask though he had no idea what I was talking about and I let him know he had reached out to my sister. He talked about being in a dark place the night before and needed a confidence boost so went online to get the thrill of matches. I could understand the draw and addiction that matching with people, and flirting, can bring but I was so disappointed that he couldn’t just be honest with me. I was in an open marriage for Pete’s sake! If anyone could understand what he was going through it would be me.

We talked through it and he insisted that he still wanted to be with me, he wanted to go on our trip to Vegas where he had a work conference. We had planned to meet up with some of his friends there.

I told him that I would still date him because we always had such a fun time together and we did so many things together, BUT we were both free to see other people. I told him that I had no desire to go back online, life was too busy and I enjoyed my free time with him, but that he was welcome to stay online, and date to his hearts content. I discussed that as long as he was making time for me, as I was for him, I was fine with us not being exclusive.

Two nights later we went to a concert together that he had planned for us to attend. Afterwards we went to his home and I asked to see his dating profile. He claimed he wasn’t on it but that he had not yet deleted it. I looked at what he had written and laughed that the description of what he was looking for was everything we had together. The only exception is that I have kids in grade school and he would like someone with older teens who are about to leave the home.

While in his phone, with him beside me, I clicked onto his messages and saw the name Christine, which I had seen pop up every now and then. I looked at their chat…again he was beside me and knew I was snooping…and was surprised by what I found.

A few weeks earlier he had been off to a conference in San Francisco. I didn’t accompany him as I was going to be attending the one in Vegas with him two months later. In his chat with Christine they are were discussing this conference and he offered to share his hotel room with her and she took him up on this offer. I asked him about what I just read and he tried to insist they were “just friends” and that they each had their own queen bed. I quickly reminded him that we had been texting when he arrived there and he sent me a picture of his room with a gorgeous king size bed. He didn’t know what to say.

I was done. The trust was gone. Had this taken place after we agreed to go exclusive I would have had no issue with it, but the continual lies were just too much.

Our relationship ended just over a year ago now. He still reaches out and we chat. I will always remember all the amazing fun times we had together. Through our time together I remembered how much fun it can be to get out there and explore. To try new things, new foods and to look for adventure. While our ending was disappointing I truly feel okay with how things turned out.

Fun times Cheater Pants…

In November 2017, while still in the (sexless) open marriage, I met a fellow on POF named Al. He was super cute and super handsome. 6 feet tall, good build, looked amazingly sexy in a suit and totally adorable in casual mode.

He was so fun to date because he actually enjoyed taking me out on dates. We hit breweries, played darts, tried to teach me to golf, took various rode trips to different cities. It was because of him that I asked J to consider us being able to have the kids every other weekend. This way I could spend alternate weekends with Al visiting places and having adventures!

On one of our adventures we traveled to a city to check out some craft breweries and also visited the local casino. Of course with our relationship also being highly sexual this had to include sex in the car at an empty church parking lot. I am surely going to hell.

On another day I took the day off work to accompany him on a 3 hour drive he had to make for work to get a contract signed. It was on this trip I declared the new “road trip rule”: every time he takes us on a road trip which leaves our city, road head would be involved. Of course he loved this rule 😜

While in new cities we would always search up the best restaurant for different types of food (pizza, shawarma, Italian etc) and we would go with that cities #1 rated choice on trip advisor.

He took me to a fun city for a weekend away to celebrate St Paddies day where we hung out and drank beer with the locals, attended a parade and also took on some fine dining. Unfortunately it was this weekend that things started to unravel.

While he went to the washroom a message popped up on his phone screen. “I’m glad you’re having a good time, I’m sorry I couldn’t come”. It was from a girl…someone he had maintained was “just friend”. I asked him what she meant by being sorry she could not come…did she know it was our weekend away?? Why did she think she was invited?? He tells me she didn’t mean anything by it…and no he had not asked her to come away.

This had me thinking about his other female friendships and the status of our relationship. As I was in an open marriage I could hardly complain if he wanted to see other people. BUT it was he who had initiated the exclusivity talk and who was asking when he could be considered my “boyfriend”. I had suggested we wait til 3 months before we decided to discuss the status of our relationship and just have fun in the meantime. He agreed…but once 3 months hit we had the talk.

Ch..Ch..Changes..

It’s amazing how much can change in the span of a year or so.

In 2015 J and I opened our marriage…in the fall of 2017 we told our family, friends and children of our plans for separation and decision to continue with cohabitation, and the fall or 2018 when J bought me out of our family home and I moved just 1 mile away into a condo that I couldn’t be more in love with.

Soon J’s girlfriend will be moving into the home and living with my kids 50% of the time. I, on the other hand, have no desire to share my home with any man and plan to live on my own with the kids until they are grown and all moved out!

At this point I cannot fathom letting a man move into my home. I intentionally left J with the majority of the furniture so that I could start my new beginning without dragging the old into my new life. I have bought furniture and decorated each room of my home exactly how I want it. The children each have their own rooms, which they have been able to decorate how they see fit. I do not want to have to make space for someone else’s stuff or for someone else to try to put their stamp on my home.

I also cannot imagine selling my home and dragging my kids to yet another location. I chose this location so that the kids would be able to bike between homes and walk to school from both of their homes. It truly is ideal and I feel that at this time I am living my best life…for myself and my kids.

The only challenge in my life at this point is figuring out this whole dating thing.