That time I fell in love in 2 weeks…

We met on Tinder, having both swiped right on July 16th. You initiated a chat the same day but I was hesitant at first and replied July 17th. We chatted casually and agreed we needed to meet. We exchanged cell phone numbers and arranged to meet the following Friday. Unfortunately something came up for me and we rescheduled to the next day but then something came up for you. We were both heading into holidays and did not want to wait until after so we agreed to meet for lunch on the 25th of July. We met and had lunch for 3 hours. It was the best lunch of my life. I could barely eat due to excitement at how well we clicked. It was difficult to end the date but I had to get back to work. You asked to give me a kiss goodbye but I was too nervous. I knew by that feeling alone that I REALLY liked you. 

We continued texting that day into the evening and then you sent me this:

“Before I let you go be mom I just want you to know that I totally understand and respect your family dynamic. My gut tells me we could have something very cool and special. I look forward to seeing if that manifests. Txt or call me anytime!!”  **(family dynamic is my open marriage)

And I swooned.

We talked daily for the next week while we were both away on holidays. We made many future plans and created a list of dates we wanted to have together. I told you I was writing it down and you said “do it!”.

I created our list:

-Sunday Aug 6th when I am back from cottage -walking around his home town
– Will see each other Aug 16th and 17th during the day when I take those days off work and we will go canoeing the one day and mountain biking the next 
-weekend in a city 4 hours away on Aug 25 to 27th to attend an adventure race. You said we would play tourists on Friday and Saturday and then have the race Sunday.
– We discussed having a date at the airport to people watch
– We joked about a road trip out east and whale watching 

On August 3rd you registered and paid for our entry to the Adventue race.  We talked about how it doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable to be doing this so soon after just one date. It felt  normal.  You shared: “I more and more have a really great feeling about us. Always respecting and understanding your dynamic”

The next date was the day after I returned from the cottage, August 6th. You had injured yourself the night before and needed to go get checked at the hospital.  I ended up meeting you there to wait with you. Afterwards we went to your home where I met your daughter. You informed me that your sister said we could come out to her farm as I had previously told you that I wanted to see their animals. On the way to the farm you informed me that your mother was also there. We ended up spending over 6 hours with your family. Your mother and stepfather, your sister and brother in law were all amazing. I had so much fun.

That night we returned to your house and made out like teenagers. Between making out you told me that you wanted to confess 3 secrets to me that you were worried you might be judged for but you wanted me to know. We talked, and shared, and your secrets are safe with me, judgement free. 

You told me that the kissing was amazing. You said “I lose myself in you when we kiss”. Again, I swooned.

We agreed to hold off on sex. You told me you were happy to wait and would enjoy taking your time exploring my body for all my favorite places to be touched. 

We kissed goodbye but deep down I didn’t want to go. I wished in that moment to stay with you forever. Even though I know it’s silly to feel that way so ridiculous even…the pull of the chemistry was that strong.

The following week things seemed to change. The next day your texts were less frequent and you were slower to respond.  There were no more “thinking of you” texts that you had so frequently sent the two weeks before.  The good feeling in my stomach about us quickly turned to worry and dread. Something had changed. Texts I sent to you at night were going unanswered. By mid week you occasionally responded to a text but then not to the next. You said you were busy.

On Thursday you texted me that you were too busy to chat but would call me later as you had something you needed to tell me. My stomach fell.

You called and gently explained that you had been seeing a woman a few months back and that you had history with this woman. You stated your dating her had ended due to a problem you encountered together and that the communication was not what it should have been and things ended. She had reached out earlier this week asking to try again. You stumbled as you said “I…I think I may want to try again”. I told you I understood and thanked you for your honesty. You said you wanted to be able to stay in touch and check in on how I am doing. I said this would be fine…….as I slowly felt my heart breaking. 

I wanted to be with you. 

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40 something mother just trying to figure out what happiness is.

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