An Officer, not a gentleman….

At the same time as I met Mr.Passionless, months ago, I also met The Officer. I had started chatting with both men on the same day and quickly had first meeting dates with each of them, a day apart. I was open with them and explained that I was chatting with both of them. They were both great, funny and friendly guys. Within a week I was forming more of a connection with Mr.Passionless as he was texting more frequently and was very quick to ask me on a second date.

Although I am in an open marriage, I don’t juggle multiple partners well and I really prefer monogamy. I let The Officer know that I struggle with dating multiple people at once and that I wanted to see where things went with the other fellow, but that I had a great time getting to know him and wished him all the best.  He thanked me for my openness and honesty, stated that it was fun getting to know me and wished me luck.

A few months passed and the man I chose quickly turned to require the “Mr.Passionless” title and we stopped seeing each other. 

My mind then wandered to The Officer. After talking to a male friend who assured me The Officer would not be put off to hear from me, I reached out with a friendly text. The Officer quickly replied and we chatted about how work and life had been the last few months and then he quickly asked me if I wanted to get together again. I accepted.

The next week we met at his place and had a great time talking and laughing. Eventually he leaned in and kissed me..and proved to be an amazing kisser. Things progressed and although I had not planned on having sex with him, I gave into his persuasive advances and we had sex once at night and then again in the morning. It was okay..a little to fast for my liking and he is an incredibly silent person during sex…I wasn’t even certain that he had orgasmed when he finished.

I decided that I liked him enough to continue seeing him and see if the sex could improve. Over the next 10 days I slept over two more times and the sex improved slightly each time. I figured that eventually we would find our groove. I noticed, however, that his texting pattern had changed. Where he had previously been great at initiating conversation and asking what I was up to, it had turned to me always initiating and doing much of the inquiring.  He was less flirty and complimentary and then I realized I was the one asking to see him again. When he needed to cancel our last date due to work circumstances, I understood and noted that maybe we could get together the week after I returned from holidays but he had limited time that week. My last text was “well maybe some time mid month” and left it at that. He didn’t reply further and I have not heard from him since. It’s now been 2 weeks and I don’t think I will hear from him again. We are still connected on two social media sites but he hasn’t bothered to reach out to say hi or ask about my vacation. I also decided that I would not be initiating  contact as I had initiated everything in the last half of our breif dating and he is the one who had to cancel.

Is this what ghosting is?? I have never experienced this before and I have to say I am shocked and saddened by his sudden change of behavior and subsequent vanishing. I thought that at the very least he would have just let me know he wasn’t interested since he really seemed to appreciate how open and honest I had been with him. I guess manners don’t always work both ways.

Published by


40 something mother just trying to figure out what happiness is.

4 thoughts on “An Officer, not a gentleman….”

  1. Yes, this is ghosting. Or perhaps just now that he’s not pursuing you, this is his pattern of communication. I’d just leave it; I’d bet you hear from him again at some point.


    1. I am wondering if I will hear back from him next Monday when he returns from a weekend excursion he is taking. I have no desire to see him again and will politely declined any attempt he could make to meet but part of me feels he won’t be reaching out at all. Even in a super casual dating situation I feel some sort of contact should be made in a 3 week time span after canceling a date on a woman. It’s driving me crazy that this has left me feeling so unsettled.


      1. Hmm. Well all I can tell you is my relationship with Lewis – king of FWB’s – is much like that. We have an understanding. Sometimes I hear from him every day and other times it’s a few weeks. If I reach out he replies. I think in these situations it may not be feasible to expect frequent communication.


      2. Oh I can understand that..but I was pretty clear with him about what I was looking for in terms of dating and communication and of course he gave all the right responses. I think I mostly am frustrated about the lack of consistency in communication….seems to slow down after they have what they want.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s