That time I fell in love in 2 weeks…

We met on Tinder, having both swiped right on July 16th. You initiated a chat the same day but I was hesitant at first and replied July 17th. We chatted casually and agreed we needed to meet. We exchanged cell phone numbers and arranged to meet the following Friday. Unfortunately something came up for me and we rescheduled to the next day but then something came up for you. We were both heading into holidays and did not want to wait until after so we agreed to meet for lunch on the 25th of July. We met and had lunch for 3 hours. It was the best lunch of my life. I could barely eat due to excitement at how well we clicked. It was difficult to end the date but I had to get back to work. You asked to give me a kiss goodbye but I was too nervous. I knew by that feeling alone that I REALLY liked you. 

We continued texting that day into the evening and then you sent me this:

“Before I let you go be mom I just want you to know that I totally understand and respect your family dynamic. My gut tells me we could have something very cool and special. I look forward to seeing if that manifests. Txt or call me anytime!!”  **(family dynamic is my open marriage)

And I swooned.

We talked daily for the next week while we were both away on holidays. We made many future plans and created a list of dates we wanted to have together. I told you I was writing it down and you said “do it!”.

I created our list:

-Sunday Aug 6th when I am back from cottage -walking around his home town
– Will see each other Aug 16th and 17th during the day when I take those days off work and we will go canoeing the one day and mountain biking the next 
-weekend in a city 4 hours away on Aug 25 to 27th to attend an adventure race. You said we would play tourists on Friday and Saturday and then have the race Sunday.
– We discussed having a date at the airport to people watch
– We joked about a road trip out east and whale watching 

On August 3rd you registered and paid for our entry to the Adventue race.  We talked about how it doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable to be doing this so soon after just one date. It felt  normal.  You shared: “I more and more have a really great feeling about us. Always respecting and understanding your dynamic”

The next date was the day after I returned from the cottage, August 6th. You had injured yourself the night before and needed to go get checked at the hospital.  I ended up meeting you there to wait with you. Afterwards we went to your home where I met your daughter. You informed me that your sister said we could come out to her farm as I had previously told you that I wanted to see their animals. On the way to the farm you informed me that your mother was also there. We ended up spending over 6 hours with your family. Your mother and stepfather, your sister and brother in law were all amazing. I had so much fun.

That night we returned to your house and made out like teenagers. Between making out you told me that you wanted to confess 3 secrets to me that you were worried you might be judged for but you wanted me to know. We talked, and shared, and your secrets are safe with me, judgement free. 

You told me that the kissing was amazing. You said “I lose myself in you when we kiss”. Again, I swooned.

We agreed to hold off on sex. You told me you were happy to wait and would enjoy taking your time exploring my body for all my favorite places to be touched. 

We kissed goodbye but deep down I didn’t want to go. I wished in that moment to stay with you forever. Even though I know it’s silly to feel that way so soon..it ridiculous even…the pull of the chemistry was that strong.

The following week things seemed to change. The next day your texts were less frequent and you were slower to respond.  There were no more “thinking of you” texts that you had so frequently sent the two weeks before.  The good feeling in my stomach about us quickly turned to worry and dread. Something had changed. Texts I sent to you at night were going unanswered. By mid week you occasionally responded to a text but then not to the next. You said you were busy.

On Thursday you texted me that you were too busy to chat but would call me later as you had something you needed to tell me. My stomach fell.

You called and gently explained that you had been seeing a woman a few months back and that you had history with this woman. You stated your dating her had ended due to a problem you encountered together and that the communication was not what it should have been and things ended. She had reached out earlier this week asking to try again. You stumbled as you said “I…I think I may want to try again”. I told you I understood and thanked you for your honesty. You said you wanted to be able to stay in touch and check in on how I am doing. I said this would be fine…….as I slowly felt my heart breaking. 

I wanted to be with you. 

An Officer, not a gentleman….

At the same time as I met Mr.Passionless, months ago, I also met The Officer. I had started chatting with both men on the same day and quickly had first meeting dates with each of them, a day apart. I was open with them and explained that I was chatting with both of them. They were both great, funny and friendly guys. Within a week I was forming more of a connection with Mr.Passionless as he was texting more frequently and was very quick to ask me on a second date.

Although I am in an open marriage, I don’t juggle multiple partners well and I really prefer monogamy. I let The Officer know that I struggle with dating multiple people at once and that I wanted to see where things went with the other fellow, but that I had a great time getting to know him and wished him all the best.  He thanked me for my openness and honesty, stated that it was fun getting to know me and wished me luck.

A few months passed and the man I chose quickly turned to require the “Mr.Passionless” title and we stopped seeing each other. 

My mind then wandered to The Officer. After talking to a male friend who assured me The Officer would not be put off to hear from me, I reached out with a friendly text. The Officer quickly replied and we chatted about how work and life had been the last few months and then he quickly asked me if I wanted to get together again. I accepted.

The next week we met at his place and had a great time talking and laughing. Eventually he leaned in and kissed me..and proved to be an amazing kisser. Things progressed and although I had not planned on having sex with him, I gave into his persuasive advances and we had sex once at night and then again in the morning. It was okay..a little to fast for my liking and he is an incredibly silent person during sex…I wasn’t even certain that he had orgasmed when he finished.

I decided that I liked him enough to continue seeing him and see if the sex could improve. Over the next 10 days I slept over two more times and the sex improved slightly each time. I figured that eventually we would find our groove. I noticed, however, that his texting pattern had changed. Where he had previously been great at initiating conversation and asking what I was up to, it had turned to me always initiating and doing much of the inquiring.  He was less flirty and complimentary and then I realized I was the one asking to see him again. When he needed to cancel our last date due to work circumstances, I understood and noted that maybe we could get together the week after I returned from holidays but he had limited time that week. My last text was “well maybe some time mid month” and left it at that. He didn’t reply further and I have not heard from him since. It’s now been 2 weeks and I don’t think I will hear from him again. We are still connected on two social media sites but he hasn’t bothered to reach out to say hi or ask about my vacation. I also decided that I would not be initiating  contact as I had initiated everything in the last half of our breif dating and he is the one who had to cancel.

Is this what ghosting is?? I have never experienced this before and I have to say I am shocked and saddened by his sudden change of behavior and subsequent vanishing. I thought that at the very least he would have just let me know he wasn’t interested since he really seemed to appreciate how open and honest I had been with him. I guess manners don’t always work both ways.