During the past 6 months I feel like I have really been putting into practice my “dating in the now” philosophy. Is it a philosophy or a mindset??
The steps I have taken have been;
1) focus on the behaviour of the person, not the words. We are really good at selling our best selves but it’s the follow through that is often lacking. Car guy told me when we first met how he wants to get back into skiing (I love skiing) but once we were dating he had zero time, and really zero interest. Which bring me to #2
2) Actually doing things that I want to do. No more focusing just on what the guy likes to do and then planning all our dates around that! I want to do my activities too! And this needs to actually happen..no more lip service. You like mountain biking as much as I do (or so you say to get me to agree to meet up), well guess what we are going to actually do on a date! Probably before we get to the sex! So many guys I have dated have stopped having interest in doing things that I wanted to do once they got what they were after. That’s all the dates seemed to centre around. Date me before you bed me is my new mantra!
3) Date in the NOW. I am not looking to start a family with someone, so their long term potential does not matter as much as it once did. I don’t know how long life is going to go on for so do I need to be assessing someone based on their long term viability? For me, no. Do I want a guy who is going to skip out on date 8, no, that would suck, but I’m not going to stress about the what if’s anymore.
4) which also means that I am not going to stress about how a guy looks “on paper”. By this I mean, does he make enough, is he in a profession that matches mine or my expectations (blue collar vs white collar). At one point those things mattered to me a lot. Especially when I was looking to build a life with someone and have kids etc. I did not want to make more money than the person I was dating. I dated one guy once who made less than I did (20 years ago) and I didn’t like it. Now, since I am dating in the now, how much he makes doesn’t matter. I am living on my own, paying my own way, and as long as his financial limitations do not impact dates and adventures we can have then so be it!
And this brings me to the Funny Guy.
On paper, he would be a definite no-go. Dude is separated as of a year and a half ago but not divorced. He moved into his parents to save for his own place a year ago and still lives there. The company he worked for, for 20 years, laid everyone off two months ago and he is without a full time job.
Jesus, I’m laughing as I type this because I truly adore him, but on paper he is a nightmare. Normally I would run for the hills. But rather than base my decision on all of these things, I instead decided to slow the f#ck down.
He had a job when we had our first date..so at that time it was just the living with the parents that kinda sucked. BUT he was so incredibly funny and down to earth and COMFORTABLE on our first date, that I knew I needed to see him again.